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    Wednesday, February 05, 2003

    If there were a poll to find the most frequently used line in blogs, I am quite sure that this line would be in the top five along with "I hate my life", "I am so confused", and "Nobody loves me":

    I don’t know what to feel.

    In a disturbing turn of events, she called this afternoon while I was helping Jackie assemble furniture. (What is it about me that makes people think I am good with furniture and home furnishing?) I am not going to read too much into the phone call or it’s meaning, and just accept that it is work-related. She wanted someone on her show and I happened to know that someone very well. I kept the conversation short and SMSed her the phone number of the contact she wanted. I thought it was rather rude of me. Short of me saying, “Here’s the number. Go call him yourself.”

    And that was that.

    I was supposed to have dinner with Jackie this evening. And we decided that we’d take a nap and then go for dinner. She was going to call me to wake me up when she gets up. Great! That’s a great way to get over the Nap of Death. I wake up before that wake-up call and get an attack of the Nap of Death. It was then I felt bad for being curt to “her” this afternoon. After all, to truly get over a person, you have to be able to speak to that person and be OK about it, right? She called first. She made the first move. She is trying. It'd be rude if I did not reciprocate. I'd be small and petty. Yeah...I’m doing the right thing.

    This, right here, could be the defining moment of my downfall as a man. Like a dumbfuck, I call her.

    She sounded happy. After the usual pleasantries, she launched into her “The Month That Was...” and auto-updated me on her life. Damn...I was trying to find the cancel button to stop the information download but failed.

    I tried to end the conversation with sentences starting with “Anyway....” but it didn’t work. Not because I did not want to talk but because my damn phone was heating up and I could hear my earwax melting.

    She ended the conversation with “I’m hungarian.” (that’s audi-speak for “I’m hungry.”)

    “Then go eat.”


    “Yeah...I guess I will go out and get something.”

    I am now thinking maybe she wanted me to say “Let’s go get dinner together.” You think? Gosh...I really wanted to. But I really did not want to brush Jackie off. But lo and behold, loyalty to my friend was barren. She SMSed me to cancel on me because of a guy! Cebai!

    Just as well, reason to stay home and work.

    I don’t know what to feel. Should I be happy? Should I allow her back in my life? Should I wax my eyebrows?

    Hurry home Pam!

    Postscript: Do NOT ask how I am doing! I am doing just fine.

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