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    Wednesday, December 31, 2003

    Final Words In 2003
    It's the end of the year. This is when we reflect on the things we've done or did not do during the year and we make resolutions for the new year which we don't really intend to keep. We come up with our "Best Of" and "Worst Of" lists. And then at night, we show off our ability to count backwards to zero at midnight.

    I, on the other hand, do not succumb to such traditions. I like to relax, stay home, and kick back with a puzzle. If I feel saucy, I'll do laundry.

    But wait, I do have a list. I'm calling mine "Things From 2003 That Must Go Away In 2004".

    1 Creepy Baby T-Shirts: Those t-shirts with pictures of babies printed on them but the ear-piercings or nose stud on the baby picture are real. I have one word: Why?

    2 Designer-Workouts: Enough with joining the gym or going for yoga or pilates. Every one seems to be joining a gym in 2003 and I had to hear their righteous health soapbox spiel for two weeks and then surprise, it’s over. But not their gym membership dues.

    3 Polyphonic Ringtones: This is wishful thinking. It will not go away until it's outlawed and banned by law. Do we really need to hear the theme to "Mission: Impossible" when your phone rings? At what point does it stop being annoying and it becomes cool?

    4 Camera Phones: While I'm still on the topic of phones, camera phones should be banned too. It's stupid and silly and was invented by the phone companies to make more money off your silly ass. It serves no purpose other than to annoy people around you and to clog up the phone networks. Until the picture quality of these camera phones improve enough to be printed or be wallpapered on a computer desktop, I'd tell it to go to hell.

    5 Gollum Impressions: So everybody loves "The Lord Of The Rings" but if I hear another person going "my precious", I will bitch-slap his Hobbit-ass back to Middle Earth. (And this will also be the last time I make any references to LOTR.)

    6 Ketchup Trays At McDonald's: I've been having fits of rage since McDonald's did away with their ketchup/chilli sauce packets and brought in its place, the ketchup pump which looks like something a plastic surgeon would use to suck out the fat during liposuction. What I can't stand is the ridiculous 2mm-deep snot holder of a container they give us to hold the ketchup. So I use three containers and then I become the Great Audi, Ketchup Balancer, the new circus act who walks really slow back to his table.

    7 Spanish Soap Operas: This may the very cause of decay of our society. As if there isn't enough crap in English, Chinese, Malay, and Indian, they had to go and get more crap in Spanish. The bigger losers are those who watch these shows, pick up a few Spanish phrases and then think they can hable espaƱol.

    8 The Cheeky Girls.

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