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    Saturday, January 31, 2004

    My Belated List
    I can't complete my 2003 without a list of music that you must listen. Buy or download. Just get it.

    I realise not all are from 2003. But still...

    In no particular order.
    * Yo-Yo Ma - The entire "Obrigado Brasil" album (BUY THE CD!)
    * Annie Lennox - The entire "Bare" album (BUY THE CD!)
    * Groove Armada - Easy (from the "Love Box" album)
    * Alejandro Sanz - He Sido Tan Feliz Contigo (from the "No Es Lo Mismo" album)
    * The Used - The Taste of Ink (from "The Used" album)
    * Jonatha Brooke - The "Steady Pull" album (and the "Plumb" album too!) (BUY!)
    * Frou Frou - Breathe In (Especially the remixes!)
    * The ROC Project - Never (Past Tense) featuring Tina Arena
    * Telepopmusik - Breathe
    * Stacey Kent - It Might As Well Be Spring (BUY THE CD!)
    * Zero 7 - Destiny (from the "Simple Things" album)
    * Bebel Gilberto - August Day Song (from the "Tanto Tempo" album)
    Buy the CD or fire up KaZaA Lite.

    My CNY Dinner
    We did one Chinese New Year thing this year. We had the "yee sang" dinner thing today. Since we did not celebrate the new year this year (granddad died last month, see?), I was kind of looking forward to it.

    We went to this Chinese restaurant at 1-Utama. Can't remember the name of the place but I am sure it must have either have the words "twin", "double", or "happiness" in it. The dinner cost over RM700 for the nine of us. Sadly, the food was just decent. Nothing spectacular. You would think the whole dinner experience would have included a blowjob for that kind of money. What really did it in for me what that annoying karaoke action going on. I could be wrong, but I think "karaoke" means "fucking annoying" in Japanese. And this evening, once again, reinforced the danger of combining alcohol, karaoke, and the great karaoke echo machine. Sadder still, I was singing along in my head. Must have been the Chinese in me.

    Then there was the suckling pig. How disturbing is that image of a head of baby pig roasted and served while its body sliced and chopped into little pieces? So you have the head, and little slices of pork skin (skin, mind you. No meat!) arranged to make it look like the body complete with the little piggy legs. What is that all about?

    Like the chef back in the day said "Let's make it look like a pig so as to remind them that they are absolutely positively eating a pig!"

    Did I mention the torture which was the karaoke?

    Well, that's that. I ate a lot but managed to not mix my proteins and carbs for easier digestion.

    It's late and I am watching an infomercial for the "5-in-1 Air-O-Space" sofa bed. This inflatable wonder product is a single bed, a queen-sized bed, a lounger, a recliner, and a three-seat sofa. But wait, there's more! It includes a multi-purpose turbo pump!

    The question on your mind right about now is "Why were you watching an infomercial?"
    Because I was bored.

    But what I found entertaining were the actors in the infomercial. These are bad actors playing the surprised man-on-the-street in awe of the product.

    Infomercials are as popular on late-night TV in the US as they are here. What I find amazing is that my mother believes the crap they are hawking on TV. And I believe many others believe it too. Why? 1. Because it's on TV. And 2. Because a white guy said so.

    What is it about us Asians that make us so gullible when it comes to white people? The Asian dude could be saying the same thing and no one listens. But when the white dude says it, it becomes a professional consultation.

    Well, my fellow Asians, let me share some of their secrets with you.

    1. Not all white guys are rich. Just because they are here, it doesn't mean they are paid in US dollars and have an expense account balance enough to feed a small family for a year. Most of them are here to make a living because they couldn't get a job in their own country. Or maybe they wanted a change in scenery. Or someone told them Asian girls were easy. (Which explains why most expats are men and not women!)

    2. Not all white guys are smart and know what they are doing or talking about. Because they are here in Malaysia as an expat, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are good. For an American or a Brit to be posted to a country like Malaysia, is like a Malaysian being asked to head an office in Beirut or Azergozastan. That's not something you write home about. In fact, it might be a sign that no one at the home office likes you and they are trying to get rid of you.

    3. Not all white guys are like your favourite Hollywood actor. Not all of them have personalities like the characters on "Friends". Chances are, we get the trailer-park white trash. But we don't know better. We are just enamoured by the pasty white thighs and that accent.
    And finally, there is that whole "love" thing. Now, I don't want to discount their quest for true love. I personally know a few good expat friends who have found their Malaysian love. But the truth is in the pudding when these guys actually settle down and you can see the love and connection.

    However, you take the flip side. Come on. Why anyone would want someone from a totally different background and to have to deal with the differences is beyond me. Only conclusion is that they couldn't score in their own country. Sorta like how local men resort to getting wifes from Thailand or China.

    It cracks me up when the girl then wonders why he doesn't call, or he is not serious about the relationship, or he doesn't introduce her to his parents when they visit.

    Unless he is willing to convert to your religion, and have his foreskin removed, and will make this country his home, he is not real. In other words, sweetie, you are just one of the many fuck-toys he has.

    And no matter what he tells you, if he has never shown you photos of his life back home, or has never given you his home address or number, he is not going to marry you and take you back to his home country where the two of you will live happily ever after. And oh yeah, by the way, he is probably married.

    All this from an infomercial.

    Sunday, January 25, 2004

    Staying Alive
    I've been laying on the couch all day...since noon. It has been almost 8 hours. I've been watching episodes of "Will & Grace" sandwiched between "episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise", all of which I downloaded from the Internet.

    And just a few minutes ago, I ordered a pizza on-line from If I could only get the Internet to open the door and pay the pizza guy when he gets here, I'd be the poster boy for the MSC.

    And later, if I am feeling saucy, I was thinking of going to to pay some bills. And if I had some time, I was thinking of going to

    The Hills Are Alive
    We drive back to KL on Friday night. We would have left earlier but we had this prayer thing for my late-grandfather. Apparently, their spirit returns home (on Earth) on the seventh day (or was it seventh week, or the seventh day on the seventh week.) And my aunt had a creepy story to tell. Granddad did come back.

    A moth visited her one morning. Long story short: A moth flew around the house and landed on some of "his" things and left. I'd admit that her delivery of the story was much more convincing and touching. You had to be there.

    As I was saying, we leave for KL on Friday night after the prayers which by the way, was totally disappointing. I was expecting a big-do with monks and all, and possibly another asthma-attack from all that burning.

    Thursday, January 22, 2004

    This is my public service for the day.

    If you’re in the Cyberjaya area, do not eat at the Island Bar. It is located at Century Square.

    Let me tell you about this place.

    This place is supposed to be an English pub. Kinda looks like it but it isn’t. This is an example of what happens when Malaysians try to look foreign. I imagine the owner, after spending four years in London on a MARA scholarship, decides to come home to Malaysia to open an English pub because he thinks he gets it.

    Anyway, I’m there with a good friend. We both order the “Garden Fresh Salad” to start, “Fish and Chips” for me (actually, the menu stated “Fish and Chip” and hence, I was afraid I was going to survive on only one chip.) and the friend orders the “Vegetable Pie.”

    Firstly, the salad was anything but “garden fresh”. “Fresh” perhaps for a garden after a radiation shower as a result of a nuclear reactor breach from the plant nearby. Nevermind. I will wait for the fish and a chip. Come on…you can’t go wrong, right?

    The waiter brings out my plate before I finish my salad. My first sigh of relief: More than one chip! Unfortunately, they were not “chips” but more like shoestring fries of the McDonald’s variety. And the fish. SIX strips. I actually got them confused with the fries!
    So, it’s actually more like “fish strips and fries” for RM20.

    Being a man of low tolerance to consumer deceit and being that consumers’ rights advocate I am, I return the fish and ask for something else that’s quick to prepare. The waiter suggests the “Homemade burger”.

    The burger arrives.

    Check this out: The home in which the burger was made in was evidently Ramly’s. It took up about 70% of the size of the bun. It had mustard and mayo in it. Those crazy Brits!

    In the words of Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski, “Everyone knows the only condiment allowed on a hamburger is Ketchup.”

    To be fair, the manager did gracefully accept my complaint and we were not charged for the “bad” orders. Still, I was expecting the next meal on the house just to get me back in there.

    Having said all that, I kinda did enjoy myself because I got away being a dick. And it was fun in a Jerry Springer sort of way.

    So, don’t go to Island Bar if you want a good meal. However, if you are like me and like to participate in the improvement of customer service in the food service industry, by all means, go to Island Bar. While you’re there, ask that they start serving pork. That place could use some!

    ps to JW: Contrary to what it seems, I did have a good time. It's always the company. :-)

    Wednesday, January 21, 2004

    Chinese New Year's Eve
    It's the eve. Not much action here. Woke up at 1 in the pm. Went to my "grandfather's place" to do the lunch thing. We can't do the reunion thing this year. Bummer.
    I am rather glad for one thing (well, one of many things) this year: KFC has FINALLY decided to have both ORIGINAL and CRISPY & SPICY in the same bucket!

    On my rant side, have you seen Lillian Too on those Astro shorts giving her feng shui crap for the Monkey Year? Is there a more obnoxious woman in the world than Lillian Too? All that money she makes, she should consider getting an image consultant. This is one woman to watch for tips on being socially inept. This woman is one walking sex-repellent.

    Let The Part-Tay Begin
    It seems like it was just a year ago when I was back home in Melaka blogging during the Chinese New Year. Wait a minute. It was a year ago. I was not in a good place and am thankful that I am out of the funk.

    This year, we are not celebrating the Lunar New Year since I am technically still in mourning over my grandfather's passing. So, this year's CNY will be renamed "Blogfest 2004".

    Tuesday, January 20, 2004

    When you positively absolutely have to remove mold and you hate cleaning, let me recommend to you my favourite cleaning product in a blue bottle, "Mold Killa". Available at all fine department stores and supermarket. Ask for it by name.
    Just carpet bomb the offending field of mold and other unwanted bathroom vegetation with Mold Killa and watch the mother work. You don't even need to scrub. But it also means, you could be using half the bottle for one cleaning. But I think it's worth it.
    If you do scrub, may I suggest the Black & Decker Scumbuster. Another fine quality product from the maker of the Dustbuster. If it positively absolutely have to suck, use the Dustbuster!
    Accept no substitutes.
    Oh yea....and floss often.