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    Saturday, January 31, 2004

    My Belated List
    I can't complete my 2003 without a list of music that you must listen. Buy or download. Just get it.

    I realise not all are from 2003. But still...

    In no particular order.
    * Yo-Yo Ma - The entire "Obrigado Brasil" album (BUY THE CD!)
    * Annie Lennox - The entire "Bare" album (BUY THE CD!)
    * Groove Armada - Easy (from the "Love Box" album)
    * Alejandro Sanz - He Sido Tan Feliz Contigo (from the "No Es Lo Mismo" album)
    * The Used - The Taste of Ink (from "The Used" album)
    * Jonatha Brooke - The "Steady Pull" album (and the "Plumb" album too!) (BUY!)
    * Frou Frou - Breathe In (Especially the remixes!)
    * The ROC Project - Never (Past Tense) featuring Tina Arena
    * Telepopmusik - Breathe
    * Stacey Kent - It Might As Well Be Spring (BUY THE CD!)
    * Zero 7 - Destiny (from the "Simple Things" album)
    * Bebel Gilberto - August Day Song (from the "Tanto Tempo" album)
    Buy the CD or fire up KaZaA Lite.

    My CNY Dinner
    We did one Chinese New Year thing this year. We had the "yee sang" dinner thing today. Since we did not celebrate the new year this year (granddad died last month, see?), I was kind of looking forward to it.

    We went to this Chinese restaurant at 1-Utama. Can't remember the name of the place but I am sure it must have either have the words "twin", "double", or "happiness" in it. The dinner cost over RM700 for the nine of us. Sadly, the food was just decent. Nothing spectacular. You would think the whole dinner experience would have included a blowjob for that kind of money. What really did it in for me what that annoying karaoke action going on. I could be wrong, but I think "karaoke" means "fucking annoying" in Japanese. And this evening, once again, reinforced the danger of combining alcohol, karaoke, and the great karaoke echo machine. Sadder still, I was singing along in my head. Must have been the Chinese in me.

    Then there was the suckling pig. How disturbing is that image of a head of baby pig roasted and served while its body sliced and chopped into little pieces? So you have the head, and little slices of pork skin (skin, mind you. No meat!) arranged to make it look like the body complete with the little piggy legs. What is that all about?

    Like the chef back in the day said "Let's make it look like a pig so as to remind them that they are absolutely positively eating a pig!"

    Did I mention the torture which was the karaoke?

    Well, that's that. I ate a lot but managed to not mix my proteins and carbs for easier digestion.

    It's late and I am watching an infomercial for the "5-in-1 Air-O-Space" sofa bed. This inflatable wonder product is a single bed, a queen-sized bed, a lounger, a recliner, and a three-seat sofa. But wait, there's more! It includes a multi-purpose turbo pump!

    The question on your mind right about now is "Why were you watching an infomercial?"
    Because I was bored.

    But what I found entertaining were the actors in the infomercial. These are bad actors playing the surprised man-on-the-street in awe of the product.

    Infomercials are as popular on late-night TV in the US as they are here. What I find amazing is that my mother believes the crap they are hawking on TV. And I believe many others believe it too. Why? 1. Because it's on TV. And 2. Because a white guy said so.

    What is it about us Asians that make us so gullible when it comes to white people? The Asian dude could be saying the same thing and no one listens. But when the white dude says it, it becomes a professional consultation.

    Well, my fellow Asians, let me share some of their secrets with you.

    1. Not all white guys are rich. Just because they are here, it doesn't mean they are paid in US dollars and have an expense account balance enough to feed a small family for a year. Most of them are here to make a living because they couldn't get a job in their own country. Or maybe they wanted a change in scenery. Or someone told them Asian girls were easy. (Which explains why most expats are men and not women!)

    2. Not all white guys are smart and know what they are doing or talking about. Because they are here in Malaysia as an expat, it doesn't necessarily mean that they are good. For an American or a Brit to be posted to a country like Malaysia, is like a Malaysian being asked to head an office in Beirut or Azergozastan. That's not something you write home about. In fact, it might be a sign that no one at the home office likes you and they are trying to get rid of you.

    3. Not all white guys are like your favourite Hollywood actor. Not all of them have personalities like the characters on "Friends". Chances are, we get the trailer-park white trash. But we don't know better. We are just enamoured by the pasty white thighs and that accent.
    And finally, there is that whole "love" thing. Now, I don't want to discount their quest for true love. I personally know a few good expat friends who have found their Malaysian love. But the truth is in the pudding when these guys actually settle down and you can see the love and connection.

    However, you take the flip side. Come on. Why anyone would want someone from a totally different background and to have to deal with the differences is beyond me. Only conclusion is that they couldn't score in their own country. Sorta like how local men resort to getting wifes from Thailand or China.

    It cracks me up when the girl then wonders why he doesn't call, or he is not serious about the relationship, or he doesn't introduce her to his parents when they visit.

    Unless he is willing to convert to your religion, and have his foreskin removed, and will make this country his home, he is not real. In other words, sweetie, you are just one of the many fuck-toys he has.

    And no matter what he tells you, if he has never shown you photos of his life back home, or has never given you his home address or number, he is not going to marry you and take you back to his home country where the two of you will live happily ever after. And oh yeah, by the way, he is probably married.

    All this from an infomercial.

    1 comment:

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