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    Tuesday, February 24, 2004

    You go to any hawker centre or food court places, or even those "super" mamak places like Steven's Corner. If they have "Western Food" there, chances are, when they serve you, the fork and knife would be wrapped in a serviette. But if you order "Nasi Goreng Ayam Special", you just get a fork and spoon sans serviette. What's up with that?
    Since when did "western food" own the exclusive rights to the care and cleaning of one's facial oral cavity? I think we give the western culture way too much credit.
    Stupid Malaysians!

    Monday, February 23, 2004

    While having lunch with co-Bat this afternoon, we had our usual discussion topics: The economy, some politics, the latest in stem cell research, and of course, on society. Our discussion on society was rather thought-provoking and required further attention. Upon personal reflecting, I’ve made a somewhat personal revelation in the evolution and social mores in our society and culture.

    Today, in Malaysia, there is no longer just the Chinese. Along the way, the Chinese people divided beyond dialects and religious faith. We now have denomination within the Chinese. The major three groups are Regular, Cina, and Ah Beng.

    The Regular group is the minority, making up less than 20% of the Chinese people. This group has the following characteristics:
    1. Speaks English as the first language.
    2. Thinks the world owes them a living.
    3. Uses the Internet more than the other two groups combined.
    4. Loves the iPod and/or IKEA.
    5. Watches one or more of the following TV series: “Sex And The City”, “Friends”, or “CSI.”
    6. Thinks that the Regular group is way larger than it is and makes fun of the other groups, particularly the Ah Beng group. Why? Because it's fun.

    Recent studies have also shown that there is a growing splinter group within the Regular group known as the CPWTTANC group. (CPWTTANC is short for Chinese People Who Think They Are Not Chinese.) This growing subgroup are considered elitist by some and are found making statements like “I wish I were in the U.S.” or “This never happened when I was studying in Australia.” They also tend to speak with an unidentifiable accent. The women may also prefer to date white men from foreign countries with the excuse that local men just "don't understand me" and have the secret desire to be taken away to the U.S. to live in a sitcom.

    The second Chinese group, Cina make up approximately 55% of the Chinese community. (Cina is derived from the Malay word Cina which means Chinese and is pronounced “chee-na”. And you will have to say it in a condescending tone for effect.) This group is considered mainstream and contribute to the numbers that reflect development in the country. They are the masses in context of the Chinese community. In other words, if you want to sell something to the masses of Chinese people, the Cina is it.

    The Cina are identified by the following traits:
    1. Speaks Mandarin or Cantonese as the first language.
    2. Generally quiet, self-effacing, and obliging but are actually shrewd and calculative.
    3. Sees Taiwan as the place to be.
    4. More likely to forward chain email to people in their address book.
    5. Goes to Halo Café or Wow Wow Café BY CHOICE at least three times a year.
    6. Has Astro hardwired to Wah Lai Toi.
    7. Calls a music video an MTV instead of music video.
    8. Knows all the dim sum dishes by name.
    9. Seventy percent of lighting at home generated by flourescent lights.

    The last group are known as the Ah Bengs . This term was probably made up by the Regulars in the early 80s during the cultural invasion that saw the mass import of music and movies from countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan, and to some extent, Japan. This phenomenon saw the more open-minded and runaway members of the Cina group defect into Ah Bengs and its feminine equivalent, Ah Lian. They just took their Alan Tam and Anita Mui a little too seriously.

    Perhaps the most made-fun-of group not only by its own Chinese people but by people of other races, the Ah Bengs are often seen as people living on the edge and have more flamboyant tastes.

    One may identify the Ah Beng by these tell-tale signs:
    1. Built-in visual self-defense mechanism that keeps people away from them.
    2. Have enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
    3. Hair not in their original colour.
    4. Volume of voice is automatically five decibels higher than everyone else.
    5. Excessive use of the phrase “Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai”. (Although, to be fair, some members of the Regular group have been reported to use the phrase on a daily basis as well.)
    6. Once a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua, or the Cheeky Girls.
    7. Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications.
    8. For the Ah Lians, have at least one bag fashioned after a furry animal complete with the head.

    With the new understanding of the Chinese people, it is the hope of this writer that we all get along and respect the differences of the groups within the Chinese community.

    As a footnote to this study, the first group is called Regular because the writer of this document falls in this group. It also reinforces one of the characteristics of the group which is self-righteousness. If not, Regular could also befit the bowel activity of the writer given his excessive intake of fruits and vegetables.

    Saturday, February 21, 2004

    I would not consider myself a Mariah Carey fan but I went to the Mariah Carey concert last night.

    First thing I realised was that I know the words to most of her songs. What's up with that?
    Secondly, the concert blew chunks.

    Most of the songs were sung to pre-recorded music. Which means the band was there to play the slow songs and to look like they were playing the fast songs. There was one drummer, two keyboard players, and a bass player. It didn't look good.

    Part of the reason was the stupid people from the Malaysian government who said she couldn't wear what she was supposed to wear for her performance. Needless to say, my calls for her to "take it off" was futile.

    In conclusion, the concert sucked and I got fondled on the way out of the stadium. I'm just glad I didn't pay for the tickets.

    Thursday, February 19, 2004

    I now know why I am sans girlfriend.

    This blog entry will mean nothing to most people. I just need to express my love to my home studio which is located at a undisclosed high security location.

    I have just upgraded my home studio. I sold my 24-channel Mackie mixer of 10 years for a miserable RM1,800. I paid about RM10k for this. It has served me well. I got a new MOTU 828mkII in its place. With 22-ins and outs capable of 96kHz 24-bit recording. I think I just ejaculated a little when I typed out the specs.

    Not only that, I also received the UAD-1 DSP card the same time I got the MOTU. Bought the UAD-1 online from I've been in awe of this card since I saw Greg's. And now I have my own. Muahahaha! Power! Again...felt a little squirt down there.

    On Monday, I will receive my new Focusrite pre-amp. Finally! A Focusrite in my home studio! I am officially moist now!

    I've stripped away most of my external gear. The whole set up looks minimal now. I love it. Although I am not sure if clients will be as impressed when they see the new set up.
    So folks, let me totally cream myself now.

    I am running Steinberg Cubase SX2 (and yes, it's licensed!) on my AMD XP 2.8gHz. One gigabyte of RAM and 200GB of SATA disk space. I have the UAD-1 DSP card and Yamaha DSP Factory. On Monday, I will have the Focusrite pre-amp in the rack. Running HALion 2, Spectrasonics Atmosphere, Absynth 2, Aturia Moog, LM4mk2, and the amazing Waves plug-ins.

    I am sending MIDI to my Roland XV5050, Akai S2800, and Alesis Quadrasynth keyboard. And listening from a pair of Alesis Monitor One Active Mk II.

    Oh...did I mention I have a funky red wireless mouse?

    I may have just shot my load in my pants!

    However, two years from now, this set up will look like stone-age gear.

    So, if you are a fellow music producing geek, particularly if you are a hot girl with a nice rack....of gear, please get in touch with me.

    Monday, February 16, 2004

    Why is it that when a Malaysian is asked to speak "good English", they some how acquire an accent?

    Take this ad on TV featuring this celebrity whom I've spoken with in person before. In this ad, he has a British accent. He does not speak like this in real life.

    The same goes for the countless number of radio announcers (for the Astro folks), radio DJs, actors, and people who hang out at Bangsar...err....Changkat Sultan Ismail Raja Chulan blah blah blah.

    Amazingly, most have never even left the country. Yet the mysterious accent. And you know it's a load of crock when they can't even get their English right.

    Me: Why do you speak like this?
    Ah Heng: Oh...pardon my slang. I got study in England for six months.

    It's accent, you butt acne. Slang is when I call you thick.

    What the cibai, man.

    Saturday, February 14, 2004

    Amazingly enough, I've been blogging (on and off) for over a year now. If that isn't commitment, I don't know what is. I realise that my blog isn't a blog in the original sense; in that it is a personal journal where I write about my day and tell the whole world how much I hate my boss with the excessive use of the word "fuck".

    No, mine is like a regular web site with lots of words.

    Some how along the way, it's no longer hip to say you have a web site. Now, it is "Check out my blog."

    In all fairness, the blog is rather specific. It's like a really large section of the "ABOUT ME" of a web site. It's the one time where the person is expected to be self-indulgent.
    Now, I think this is a good thing.

    I've gotten to know so many people better from blogs. You could discover a different dimension to the person. Take the fellow Bat for instance. She writes nothing like she speaks. Which is neither a good thing NOR a bad thing. It's just a neutral observation. That just gives me a totally new way of appreciating a person.

    There are some people whom I wish would blog more...for a variety of reasons. So, in the name of all things sacred and pure, please...start a blog today. Or go update your blog. (And it wouldn't hurt to proof-read and run your blog through the spell-checker once in a while!) Then give me your links.

    (I am going to burn in hell!)

    Monday, February 09, 2004

    I had lunch with someone today who told me an interesting true story. It is about her dog who has been acting weird lately. Apparently, she can't let the dog out anymore because if she does, he won't come back. And over the Chinese New Year, she found out why. Her dog has been hanging out with another dog and having doggy sex. (I wonder, when dogs actually do it missionary style, would they call is "human style" in the way we humans called it "doggy style" when it do it like dogs?)

    I digress. Anyway, the catch is, the other dog is also a male. So, it's gay doggy sex.
    My friend is quite distressed now because she doesn't know what to do. The dog is angry and violent now. She won't let it go because she doesn't think it will survive "out in the wild"...what with AIDS, the high cost of living in the city and all. And she is also not too keen on losing her dog of nine years just because he has a new boyfriend.

    I guess we all have to prepare ourselves for this sort of thing. We just have to live our lifes and say it's OK when our pets one day sit us down over breakfast and say, "You might want to sit down for this. I am gay."

    Thursday, February 05, 2004

    Sometimes people say the stupidest thing which makes you want to pelt them to death with rotten animal parts. This here is one of them times .

    Check this story out.

    In case the link craps out...

    Boost Transvestite Shows Proposal
    KUALA LUMPUR: Transvestite shows should be promoted as a tourist attraction and also to enable the transvestites to earn a proper living, Bukit Bintang MCA division chairman Datuk Dr Lee Chong Meng said.
    He said that this should be included in the proposed project to upgrade Lorong Haji Taib in the Chow Kit area.
    The proposal to develop the area is being studied by City Hall.

    Now, I am no transvestite expert. Personally, I don't even know one. But from a human point of view, I think the proposal by this dumbfuck of human being, Datuk Dr Lee shows that he is the kind of man who will have Michael Jackson babysit his five-year old son.

    Does Lee think transvestites are here on this good earth to entertain us like circus animals?

    Does he actually think that these men wake up each day, pull their dicks back while they slip into their sequined bustier and say "Hey, I am woman! Hear me roar!"?

    OK. Perhaps some.

    Crossdressers are complex personalities and they do what they do for whatever reason. Could be a fetish or they are expressing hidden characteristics or even creative. Or perhaps the feel of silk lace panties and the open-air concept of a skirt are just way too comfortable. Hey, whatever rocks your world dude!

    But to size them down as entertainment is just plain wrong and insensitive.

    If Lee wants to help these "transvestites earn a proper living", make it the law that companies cannot fire their employees because they are transvestites or because of their sexual preferences. In fact, make it the law that all companies must have a crossdresser and a homosexual. One from every race.

    Again, I am no expert but I am quite sure not all transvestites want to be a Paper Doll or a hairdresser. Some might want to lead lifes as normal as possible and just want regular jobs like everyone else.

    And this show will be on Lorong Haji Taib. I am sure Haji Taib must be proud.
    So, if you see Lee on the streets, pelt him!