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    Wednesday, April 28, 2004

    The Relenting Force Of Nature

    I had dinner at this Chinese restaurant this evening with some very interesting people. So interesting that one of the them will be carrying the Olympic torch in Athens in July. Apparently, Samsung is paying US$10,000 for him to run 300 metres with a fiery torch. Made me feel like an underachiever.

    Back to the interesting dinner. I saw a sea cucumber today. That was interesting. The restaurant manager, for whatever reason, brought out this FUCKING HUGE raw sea cucumber. Perhaps he thought it would be of interest to some of us at the table who were not local. Instead, it backfired and grossed the Type 1s out.

    Let me talk more about the sea cucumber.

    This is what a sea cucumber looks like.

    So, in my uneducated, unrefined, and uncultured mind, I am asking myself, what in the name of Mary, the Holy Mother of God, would posses a person to want to eat it. (Of course, number one, this person must be Chinese.)

    First of all, the sea cucumber is an animal. It's not a vegetable as I had originally thought. Secondly, when it's dead and skinned, it looks like a FUCKING HUGE intestine right after a major bowel movement. And thirdly, it smells like a FUCKING HUGE intestine right after a major bowel movement.

    And why the heck not!

    According to the Darwin Foundation, the sea cucumbers constantly churn up sediments, and allowing the oxygenation of other species. They feed upon small algae particles, sand, and waste materials. In this way, they become recyclers of the nutrients, contributing to the rich marine environment.

    And then Chinese people pay tons of money to eat it.

    You can tell from my expletives that I am just fucking shaken by the whole fucking experience!

    Anyway, I just had to write about this. I just don't understand how these things come about. I will probably figure out the meaning of life before I crack this nut.

    Saturday, April 24, 2004

    I may have grown up just a little bit today. Someone mentioned that I have hot female friends. When I look at it objectively, he is right. Some of my female friends do look hot. (Then again, some are not so hot.)

    Which lead me to analyse my circle of friends. Yes, they are hot. That's why they are my friends now. I had probably tried to have sex with them in the early years but that plan clearly didn't work out. So I settled for friendship and then got to know them. Eventually, they just became guys with breasts and I stop seeing them as "female", which, come to think of it now, is as disturbing as taking a shower with your mother.

    But when I really look into it, they are still hot. It is just that I've gotten to know them better, as with all people, I tend to notice their flaws as human beings. Or perhaps they have some annoying characteristic that makes me want to spit at their face. But most of the time, it's just me being a total snob because I have this allergy towards stupidity and short-sightedness. Suddenly through no fault of their own, no matter how pretty they are, they look ugly to me.

    Largely, I would say its my loss.

    But I still can't help asking why is it always the pretty ones that go back for seconds when God was handing out "attitude"?

    It's that common "She is a pretty girl but her attitude makes her ugly" situation.

    On the other hand, I also have less attractive friends. But they are nice people. And then I start to find them attractive. Which lead me to two revelations.

    1. I now understand how some men, being totally visual creatures, end up with less attractive (and let's be honest, butt-ugly) mates that makes me want to thank him for taking her off the market and;

    2. I will probably have a butt-ugly girlfriend but I will think she is the most beautiful person in the world.

    The alternative is that I somehow get a hot girl who is really a She-Satan and have her leave me when I am old, fat, and ugly.

    Why can't I have hot AND beautiful?

    Either way, I am not keen on the prospects but life is just like that.

    Therefore, from this day forward, my criteria for a potential mate is her ability to make me laugh and her TOEFL score.

    Monday, April 19, 2004

    Things I Know Now

    Here are somethings life has taught me.

    1. If you put your clothes out long enough, you will eventually wear them again which will save you time folding them and putting them away. The ironing board is a good place to temporarily place your clothes.

    2. Despite looking like bomb shelter food that you think will last for a long time, they do expire: Coke, Maggi Mee, peanut butter, flour, and bottled water. Also, cheese and mayo go bad really fast.

    3. Do not pee on your plants. It might be OK when you are six years old. But when you reach 32 and take too much coffee, the ammonia gets too much. Then the plant dies.

    4. When having more than one hard drive in your PC, make sure the terminating hard drive is set to MASTER. Otherwise, things won't work and you might be frustrated enough to want to put a bullet through your computer.

    5. There are two kinds of RAM that I know of. If you force one type into a slot meant for the other type of RAM, and then you turn your PC on, you might get the smell of computer parts burning. This aroma from this tech BBQ may hang in your room for at least 24 hours.

    6. Invite people to your house more often. This may motivate you to clean your living space. And you'd be amazed at how fast you are able to do it.

    7. Putting that blue tablet thing in your toilet flush tank does not mean your toilet does not require scrubbing once in awhile.

    8. Even if you know the words to the rap of Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby", do NOT rap along in public. No matter what people tell you, it is not cool.

    Sunday, April 18, 2004

    Contrary to what people say, there is such thing as a stupid question.

    It's 11.54 pm on a cool Saturday night. It's been almost 36 hours since I gave myself another heart attack when I attempted to assemble and set up another Windows PC. I went to PC Fair first thing Friday morning with Gene. Got me an AMD 2000+.

    And so the drama begins.

    So cut a long story short, I fried some RAM. I did not smell good. And then I spent the next 8 hours moving and reconfiguring my hard drives between my new PC and my other PC. If someone had knocked on my door at that time and asked for a cup of sugar, I would have beaten him to a pulp.

    Having said all this, I will probably still not go for a Mac purely from a price point. So don't be giving me "Get a Mac" comments.

    Which brings me to my next point.

    I really do not understand people who say "Macs are cheap now." I think it is just a Mac user's way of justifying their purchase. Yes, Macs today cost less than what they did five years ago. However, that's like saying a RM300,00-BMW is cheap today because it was RM500,000 three years ago.

    Friday, April 09, 2004

    Why I Love Malaysia (Part 1)

    I saw on the news today that the authorities have started the Ops Tulen anti-piracy drive again. It's that time of the year where they confiscate pirated software and then quote the total value of the confiscated software based on the manufacturer's suggested retail price of the original software multiplied that by 3.8 to a bunch of foreign reporters. As if Malaysians would have otherwise spent that money on original software in the first place.

    Of course, the defining moment is when the steamroller gets into the picture. They should use the steamroller as the icon in the anti-piracy campaign. That’ll scare them bastards. And wouldn’t you love to be at the meeting when they decided on who gets to drive the steamroller? (“No, it's my turn. You got to drive it the last time!" ...but in Malay.)

    The real kicker was this:

    “The enforcement officers raided two shopping malls in the city known for pirated software: Amcorp Mall and The Summit Subang Jaya.”

    Sonofabitch. I’ve been doing it all wrong. All this while I was getting my software from Low Yat and Imbi Plaza. Why didn’t anyone tell me about Amcorp Mall?

    It is so reassuring to see the street intelligence of Malaysian authorities.

    By the way, they sell nothing but cakes and wallpaper at Low Yat and Imbi. There’s nothing to see. All the action is at Amcorp and Sungai Buloh Parade.

    Thursday, April 08, 2004

    A 17-year old student died because his friends beat him up in school. Apparently, he was too smart and too well-liked by his teachers. Perhaps he was too rich and good looking too. He was getting all the babes and could recite the Quran backwards. I knew guys like this when I was in school back in the day and I too, wanted to beat him up. But I didn't because he was bigger than I was.

    Unfortunately, this one student died.

    So, someone has to pay. Investigations. Students detained.

    This matter happened about a week ago and the students were expelled just a few days ago. In the coming days, things would be died down and life goes on.

    As I sit by and watch this, it angers me that the big one got away. I am not talking about the students. I am talking about the principal and the teachers responsible. These people are the don of the gangsters and the ragging committee. And now when the shit hit the fan, they expelled the students; essentially, relocating the problem. Shheeeeeet....I could have done that myself, you pansy.

    In fact, I wouldn't kick these kids out of school. I'd want them to stay in school so I can watch over them and make their lifes miserable. And after that, sign them up for the Army and assign one big horny gay guy to their unit who believes in ragging as a way to build character.

    So, I am calling for the resignation of the principal of SM Agama Datuk Klana Petra Maamor, Johara Norwawi. You do the right thing and resign. Then drag your sorry ass back to your mama and tell her that you allowed a 17-year old student to be killed right under your nose in your backyard because you were too busy sitting around with a thumb up your ass.

    Gosh. I feel so much better now.

    A less-strongly worded version of this was sent to The Star.

    If you do not hear from me in the next few days, you may assume that Johara Norwawi has taken me out and my body may be found in his backyard.