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    Tuesday, August 31, 2004

    It's Merdeka! Hey babes! You are 47!

    As usual, on August 30, people every where being overcharged for drinks while waiting for the seconds before midnight just so they can show their gift of counting backwards to zero. What's this thing with Malaysians and counting down?

    I particularly found it funny when people went around calling me or messaging me wishing me "Happy Merdeka Day" like I had anything to do with it. Perhaps I am being the cynical Malaysian and I am missing out of the festivities (?).

    But let me share this story with you that shows what being Malaysian is all about.

    As I was driving home from BK's BBQ last night, there were cars parked along the side of the road that leads to my apartment building. Because my apartment is on a hill, these scene-freeloaders would stake out at these roads as early as 9 pm just so they can get a 180-view of the fireworks display that goes on. You can see the KLCC, the Bukit Jalil Stadium, and some Type 3 Chinese fireworks action going on at Cheras which looks like men throwing Christmas tree lights up in the air.

    But back to my story. So, it's usually a crawl back to my apartment building because of these damn cars. Strangely, this time, it was worse than usual. I drive up a bit and I see a large gathering of people. Something must have happened. Fight? Accident? Sex show by the people who are hawking Tongkat Ali? A bug?

    I have to be cool right? I park my car at my designated-spot in my apartment building and walk out to the mob. I make my way into the nucleus of the crowd. Lo and behold. A woman on the floor. Legs apart. Screaming. In pain. It took two seconds to see that this woman was either celebrating our independence with her very special brand of noise, or the Discovery Channel was doing a special on women who yell out loud in pain on the streets of Malaysia. Or she was in labour.

    Talk about your bad day to go out for a walk.

    People around was in a quiet panic. You will occassionally hear "the ambulance is on the way" in various dialects and language in response to the "someone call the hospital". A few men, were on the ground with her comforting her. She was Malay. Her husband was with her but mostly on the phone calling for help. Apparently, they can't get to their car because of wanton double parking. One look at her situation, you wouldn't want her in your car either.

    Still, there were a few Chinese men, and an Indian "jaga kereta" man who somehow managed to make her a little more comfortable with the towels and blankets he whipped out from his make-shift collection booth. This was an opportunity for me. Now I can do what I've always wanted to do.

    With all my strength, I yelled out what I've always wanted to say but never had the chance to until now. This is my destiny.

    "Move back! Give the woman some air!"

    Words I've been longing to say, right after "Move along! There is nothing to see."

    If at all possible, to cut a long story short, the three muhibbah men delivered the baby seconds after midnight with the help of the emergency personnel. There was a feeling of patriotism that moment the newborn cried amidst the light and sound of systematic combustion of gun powder across the city. It was beautiful.

    And because my pizza is here, the woman decided to name her baby boy, Merdeka. Now that's one name to look out for in 20 years if there is a case of a man gone amuk in the streets of KL.

    Then we all had cake.

    Friday, August 27, 2004

    Bad accents is one thing. But it looks like I have a new peeve.

    I realise that Malaysians have no idea what it sounds like to speak well. To many, speaking well means speaking with an accent. Screw the grammar. As long as I have an accent (which I call "slang"), I will sound cool.

    But I digress. Now, about my new peeve.

    What's up with people who go around calling other people "babes" or "sweetie"?

    "Can you get me that dodol, sweetie?"

    "Hey babes. That is so not funny." *kiss kiss*

    Since when did we get so Euro? Or is it one too many episodes of Friends?

    Don't these Jennifer Aniston-wanna-be hacks realise how ridiculous they sound? Or maybe it's just me. It's probably just me coz I'm keepin' it real and I ain't not frontin' yo. So to all you out thur fakin' it, I'm out. Peace n respect.

    Tuesday, August 24, 2004

    Nothing funny today. I just feel the need to write. Move along now. There is nothing to read.

    I actually went to bed last night before 1 am. That's a breakthrough for me. And I woke up before 9 am. Another breakthrough. (Is "breakthrough" one or two words?)

    Anyway, I was exhausted. That Ning song is done. At least I thought so until I get a call from Ning's manager, Vernon who tells me that there might be complications because one of the words used in the lyrics do not exist. So, ladies and gentlemen, the word "kotai" from the root word "kota" (as in "to fulfill") does NOT exist. There was some major drama there.

    I am so glad that Ning and the Warner people like the song enough to make it the first single! Weeeeeeeee. Not only that. Ning will be performing that song at this year's Anugerah Era and will be backed by the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. Funny story.

    Vernon: Hey Audi! Ning will be performing your song at Anugerah Era and she will be backed by the MPO.

    Me: What's MPO?

    Vernon: Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra la.

    Me: Shouldn't that be MPOL?

    Vernon: *brief silence* Anyway, MPO is backing Ning up and we need you to do the orchestration. Can you do it?

    Me: *restraining excitement* Oh sure. No problem.

    Vernon: Great thanks. Make sure you have the score ready.

    As I hung up, I suddenly remembered that I am musically illiterate. I don't read or write music. So, how in hell am I supposed to know how to write parts for a 150-piece orchestra? Funny right? Didn't I tell ya?

    Anyway, back to the thing with Ning in the evening. We will be doing another version of the song which I can't talk about right now. But I hope this song gets big for her. I'd hate to be known as the guy who destroyed her career by releasing my song as her first single. Tension.

    And then there's my blog entry that is making its round in the email circuit. I actually found it on a few other blogs. These people are shameless. You gotta be pretty pathetic to rip off another person's BLOG ENTRY. Go steal a car or money! But a blog entry?

    So who wants to touch me now?

    NOTE: "Orchestration" is the musical arrangement to be played by an orchestra ie what the cellos play, what the violin plays etc. It is not conducting.

    Thursday, August 19, 2004

    My Prayer Answered (Sorta)

    So I wake up today and head down to Low Yat Plaza. I was really nice all morning. Didn't give the finger to that nice gentleman who cut me off on the road.

    As expected, it was the power supply. I replaced it with a really cool overpriced one. Then I bought a 120 GB external hard disk.

    Whenever I tell this story, or another story relating to computer failure, I noticed the general quick response question the other person would ask is "Did you back up your data?" My shooting-from-the-hip answer would be "Of course not you ninny. If I did, would my balls be shrinking like they are now?"

    I do backup although not often enough.

    Anyway, the past 12 hours have shortened my life by a few hours. My balls are a little smaller now. But I can't complain. I want to thank God and the Academy for my quick (and expensive) rebound.

    If anyone out there needs help in installing Windows or removing spyware, please let me know. Until then, you all have a nice day now.


    Oh Help Me Lord

    As I make this blog entry, I am praying to the Gods of the digital and spiritual world to heal my PC. Please let it be nothing more than a faulty power supply. If you heal my PC, I promise I will be a lot nicer to people and will help at least one person with the installation of Windows XP and/or help remove viruses/spyware/adware.

    Please....heal my PC. I also promise that I will get an external drive for data back up. Please heal my PC. Let things work again. PLEASE. Let all my data be there as I send my PC to the lovely men and women at Low Yat Plaza who carry out work on your behalf. Please give them the power to heal my PC.

    If you don't, I am getting a Mac. Just kidding. Please heal my PC.

    With this, I submit and await patiently. (You have 12 hours.) Let the healing begin.

    Saturday, August 07, 2004

    I have this "staying up too late" problem. I'd like to think it's has something to do with me being a morning baby or is it the other way round. I would love to sleep early and rise early but I seem to be most productive at night. Besides, my computer and audio equipment looks better at night. I am open to suggestions on how I can remedy this situation. I can't go on like this forever.

    I finally downloaded Fahrenheit 9/11.

    There's this Italian restaurant in Ikano, the shopping mall attached to IKEA at Mutiara Damansara. It's called Fasta Pasta. Do yourself a favour. Do NOT eat there. The food sucks and the whole concept of sitting down, getting a menu, and then walking to the cashier to place your order and then have them tell you that's why they don't have a 10% service charge is just plain dumb. I am paying RM25 for pasta. An additional RM2.50 is not going to break my bank just so I can enjoy my food and not have to work for it. It's NOT the place to bring a date. It's NOT the place to bring anyone because the food just plain sucks.

    I do like the pasta at Dave's at One Utama. It's the restaurant opposite Burger King.

    And then there's this Japanese restaurant on the ground floor of Ikano. That's sucks too. Don't go there.