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    Monday, September 26, 2005

    As quoted in The Star on 26 September 2005, MIC president Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu on his successor:

    "We have identified a bunch of new leaders who, when we say walk, they must jump." he said.

    If I want you to walk, why would you jump? I wouldn't mind if you ran instead of walking but in the direction I want you to go. It boggles the mind.

    Friday, September 23, 2005

    Here is a completely useless observation that serves no purpose other than to show that I have observations that serve no purpose.

    How many people know the composer of the song, let alone want to browse by composer instead of the usual browsing by artist, album, or genre. It finally dawned on me as to why browsing by composer is available on the iPod. It’s for classical music. It would make more sense to browse for classical music by composer instead of by performer.

    Now here’s something you don’t hear me say everyday: I went shopping with Nik yesterday to help her pick out clothes for her performance.

    It has finally hit me that women actually enjoy shopping.

    Yes, men say that all the time but I now have a heighten appreciation of that concept. When a man says “let’s go shopping”, it means “Let’s go buy things I need in the shortest time possible.” When a woman says “let’s go shopping”, it means “I need to buy something so let’s go look at things and try on as many things on as possible. Oh…and it’s OK if we don’t buy anything.”

    Me: Hey. Let’s go shopping with Nik.

    Gen: Sure. But I have to leave at 9 pm.

    Me: Ah….no problem. It’s 3 pm now. We should be done by 6 pm.

    Gen: You sure or not.

    Me: Don’t worry. Sure can one.

    Thus endth my possible career as a personal shopper.

    So I kinda figured out women take so long to shop, especially for clothes. Two things. 1. There are just way too many options for women’s clothing; and 2. Women actually care what they look like wearing what they wear. Then there’s a silent 3. Women actually enjoy the process of shopping i.e. trying on clothes and shoes.

    Trying on clothes.

    Ladies, I want to break it down for you. Hundreds, if not thousands of women think like you.

    “Let’s try this on!”

    By the time you buy that skirt, or that blouse, those pants, or that pair of shoes, possible tens, if not hundreds of women have tried on that same pair. Take a moment to digest that. Heaven forbid if you get someone who does not wear any underwear or is lactating. Heaven forbid that this woman had a pubic itch and decided to scratch through that skirt. Heaven forbid if she picked her nose and decided to wipe off that snot on the shirt you are trying on. Call me gross but you are the one indirectly rubbing skin with tens of total strangers.

    Speaking of shopping. I finally bought a hands-free kit for my phone. I moved one step closer to Taiwan since I got one of those Bluetooth headsets that make me look like I should either be working at the McDonald’s drive-thru or should be hanging out at Sungai Wang Plaza with my new friends, Benggy and Lam Pah.

    Think about that pubic itch ladies. Gross.

    Wednesday, September 14, 2005

    Tomorrow morning, I am going to do something I haven't done since January this year. I am going to get a haircut. Not that I was planning to. But Colin made an appointment for me to get a haircut. He called the hair place and made the appointment. He actually picked up the phone. Dialled the number and set the whole thing up. I don't need the flashing neon sign but I think he is trying to tell me something.

    Here lies an opportunity. I could go get my haircut OR get my haircut AND entertain you lot. Which means I will have my digital camera attached to my hip and take pictures of me before and after. Take pictures of the guy doing my hair. Take pictures of the questionable chinese tea they serve. Mention how expensive getting a haircut is. Take more pictures of some Type 3s. Highlight the sexual innuendo in "Wash & Blow". (Waaaah...can get washed and blown for RM15 ahhh?)

    But I won't. I will leave this Discovery Channel moment to others because frankly, who gives a rat's ass if I get a haircut?

    Friday, September 09, 2005

    From The Star:

    Emmeline Ng received one of the toughest questions, but her confident answer stole the hearts of the judges at the Miss Malaysia / World 2005 pageant.

    The question was: “You have been given two minutes with a suicidal person. What would you say to convince that person that life is worth living?”

    The 22-year-old Ng's answer was: “I would tell him to live on for his family because they are always there for you, that you should never give up as life is full of miraculous twists and turns and that it is worth taking risks in life, as the greater the risks, the greater the returns.”


    The correct answer is "Hey big daddy. Get off that ledge and I will blow you!"

    Erra Fazira is so hawt!

    Thursday, September 08, 2005

    As a songwriter and music producer, I want to go on record saying that I think Crazy Frog's Axel F is brilliant. It's annoying as hell but it makes you want to listen to it instead of shutting it off. Now that's genius!
    I am recording Erra Fazira tonight. I am so excited. And I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.


    OK. I'm over it.
    My doorbell goes off at 8 this morning. Apparently, some boob called the police and told them to check up on me and that I could be decomposing on the floor which means one thing: Lower resale value of the property.

    I am wrapping up some projects now and there’s a faint light at the end of the tunnel. It could be a train coming right at me. I was hoping to take the rest of the year off because I’ve been working like a dog these past two years. I am grateful for the position I am in but three thoughts (thoughts?) I had recently are forcing me to reevaluate my life.

    The first is my grandmother. I didn’t see her enough. I didn’t take enough pictures with her. I didn’t get to know her more. I didn’t get to take her to the country she had wanted to visit; China. Even though she is still around, I have regrets. She doesn’t recognise me anymore. I have regrets. My grandmother. Friends. Ex-girlfriends. Life. I do not want this same regret to spill over to my parents and what I have now. I think I just wrote lyrics to a country song.

    You might want to sit down for the second one. I am actually thinking about going to the gym and getting a trainer. If you know me, having me even THINK about it, let alone have it down in written form is like having Elton John say, “Gosh, I think I might be straight” or Bill Gates go “Maybe the Mac is the way to go!” So there. Now I need to find a trainer who will kick my ass and drag me to the gym three time a week. If you know a good one…

    The last thought, I had this morning while chatting with JW. I am kinda sorta maybe smitten by someone.

    JW: Do you like her?
    Me: I think I do.
    JW: Why don’t you give it a go?
    Me: What does one do when he wants to give it a go?
    JW: Ask her out for a meal/movie?
    Me: Good idea. How would I know if she likes me that way?
    JW: Ask her out again.
    JW: And again.
    Me: Right.
    JW: If she’s busy all the time, then you’d know she is not interested.
    Me: What a waste of time these things are. That’s why I am all for arranged-marriages.

    And that’s when I also realised two shockers. I am romantically inept. And to make things worse. I do not look like Johnny Depp. Which all adds up to me being pretty much fucked. What a predicament.

    For our somewhat belated tech tip of the week, I would like to suggest two alternatives to applications you may be using. If you are still using Internet Explorer as your main browser, switch to Firefox. It’s fast and efficient. Most importantly, it is safer than Internet Explorer. Using Firefox will reduce your risk and exposure to all the crap out there that is attacking IE. Get it at You will immediately be closer to finding inner peace.

    The second one is Trillian. I don’t understand people who will run two or three instant messaging apps at the same time in order to be connected to various networks (ICQ, MSN, or Yahoo) just so they can have their emoticons. Do you not realise that all these apps are slowing your PC down? Therefore, run Trillian. Just one application. It connects to MSN, Yahoo!, ICQ, AOL, and IRC. You can still do emoticons but you can’t do that window buzz thing in Yahoo! or those annoying things in MSN. But it leaves you more room to do other things like surfing for porn.

    Batdude. It’s infotainment.

    Moving along.

    I also noticed something else recently. How some people say “bye”.

    It’s no longer a simple “bye”. It’s now “boi” or “bai-yee” or some other baby-talk variation.

    Pray tell. Why?

    There is nothing more attractive than an adult reducing himself or herself to this infantile form.

    Me: I’m leaving now. See you later.
    Other guy: OK. Boi boi.
    Me: Now why you wanna say it like that?
    Other guy: What?
    Me: Boi boi. What the flying fuck is that?
    Other guy: Err…I guess I am just trying to be cute.
    Me: Well, don’t. You sound like a putz.

    Then it made me think about the way people have said their goodbyes. At one time, it was the thing to say “bye” in a different language. “Ciao” comes to mind. It’s not just a title of a song. Perhaps it is hard to say goodbye.

    On that note, bye.

    Friday, September 02, 2005

    I may pop a blood vessel.

    If this blog is not updated in three days, call the coroner.