Twitter Updates

    follow me on Twitter

    Wednesday, November 30, 2005

    If you are my friend, you will go out and buy this double CD for RM29.90. It comes with a free plastic bag for you to walk out of the store with. Although I wish you wouldn't ask for the free bag because plastic takes a thousand years to degrade. And NOT ask me for free copies. And if you're not my friend, you may also buy this CD. I am not going to stop you. Preview music at

    Buy the CD. Your mama will love you more.

    Tuesday, November 29, 2005

    I noticed something interesting today…besides that invisible zit on my ass that has me constantly scratching myself. As I was doing my groceries at Cold Storage in the Bangsar Shopping Complex, I noticed how nicer most people there were. It’s not the same kind of communal spirit you’d find at places with a lot of Ah Bengs and Ah Lians less affluent people. Heck, even I was nicer. People in Bangsar smiled more. They were more patient. More forgiving. More white.

    That’s it, isn’t it? It’s that expatriate community there that has softened the locals and made the locals think that for that fleeting moment, they were in a different country and they had to behave more civilised and perhaps, speak with an unidentifiable accent. I recommend that Bangsar be its own independent country and a gay man be the president.

    Friday, November 18, 2005

    After eight months, 182 hours of recording, 1839 hours of editing, 542 hours of mixing, and 39 drum samples later, it all boils down to this.

    All that work reduced into a little piece of shiny plastic.

    Dropping November 30.

    Wednesday, November 16, 2005

    I visited Bangkok with the kind folks at Fuse. I brought my camera along. Suddenly I felt like an idiot with way too much time on my hands. In other words, I felt like Kenny Sia. So I stopped taking pictures because I did not want to crossover to Loserville living in an apartment on ILoveMyselfTooMuch Avenue. Besides, my other travelling buddies were already blinding me with their incessant flash photography. In this digital age, they could easily send me copy of myself giving the camera a peace sign.

    If there is one thing I’ve learned from being in Bangkok is that one can never have enough of animal meats on sticks. Then there’s their love for pork products. Every corner you turn. Little pieces of pork on sticks. Along with that comes that lovely aroma which Jimmy says is bamboo shoots. Why bamboo shoots? Because when you cook the thing, it produces a smell that will embed itself into your hair and clothes. That’s why. Any other way would be too civilised.

    Just so I get it out of the way, no, I did not go to any sex shows or see any vaginas that can do complex mathematics. Neither did I visit any prostitutes there. I did watch this drag show where I saw the same pair of perfect boobs replicated on four different men. They must have had a bulk discount special at the boob implant centre that day.

    Thais love their king and queen. And I don’t mean that in a gay way. I am talking about the guy with the goofy hair on their currency. They actually throw city-scale parties when it is their birthday. Unfortunately, we missed the queen’s birthday by a hair. But we could see some remnants from the party: Lots a really huge pictures of the queen.

    Then there’s the Royal Temple built by the royal family. A huge beautiful place with amazing temples and a lot of things made from gold. I am guessing that this is the Disneyland for monks around the world. Monks in other countries probably sell raffle tickets to raise money so they can visit the Royal Temple so they can kick back.

    This is also where this really huge golden Buddha reclines. It’s aptly called “The Reclining Buddha” and is anatomically correct, complete with nipples and all.

    It is good to see that the Thai government have their priorities right.

    Other than that, Bangkok feels like a Singapore ten years after being taken over by Malaysians. But having said all that, I like Bangkok. It’s a little crowded. A little dirty. I have suggestions for irrigation which I hope the Thai government would consider. And I don’t understand why Malaysians in Bangkok find it amusing to keep saying “sawadee kap” to other Malaysians. (On that same note, I also don’t get this thing about people going “Let’s go yum cha!”)

    Look ma. No pictures!

    Tuesday, November 15, 2005

    But life goes on.

    And in other news, poisonous gas emissions from the industrial world continue to rise.
    A part of me died today.

    Sunday, November 06, 2005

    I am not sure which is sadder. That I wanted to know the difference between "bitch-slap" and "pimp-slap" OR that I actually got results when I googled "bitch-slap vs pimp-slap".

    Lemme break it down for y'all.

    According to Wikipedia, bitch-slap (sometimes bitchslap or bitch slap) is a slang term often meaning the same as a "box on the ear".

    Not too much fun there.

    Let's keep it real and check out the Urban Dictionary. A bitch-slap is "to open handedly slap someone. Denote disrespect for the person being bitch slapped as they are not worthy of a man sized punch. Suggests the slap was met with little resistance and much whining."

    Word use:
    Keith owed me that $20 for weeks and I had to bitch slap the muthafucka to get it back.


    Now, a pimp slap, on the other hand, uses the back of the hand.

    According to the Urban Dictionary, "It really don't matter how many fingers you use. Just remember that it's the back of the hand, not the palm. Using the palm is the bitch slap. The back of the hand is the pimp slap."

    How to perform:
    While VERY angry, extend the right arm across your chest in a 90 degree angle. Tighten your biceps, and swing to the right with full speed, aiming for the cheek.

    The goal is to connect as much of the back of your hand with as much force as possible.

    Word use:
    Keith owed me that $20 for weeks and I had to pimp slap the muthafucka to get it back.

    Thanks to, let's review by pictures how to pimp-slap some punkass.

    Let's take it to the next level. I want to introduce the Pimp-Bitch-Slap combo. It will take a little practise and coordination but I am sure you will get the double the results.

    Word use:
    Keith owed me that $20 for weeks and I had to pimp-bitch slap the muthafucka to get it back.

    Saturday, November 05, 2005

    Check this out. Nutritional facts.

    Big Mac: 484 calories and 23g of fat.

    Then we have the “healthy wholesome” Grilled Chicken Foldover.

    Grilled Chicken Foldover: Calories: 522.55 and 21.71g of fat.

    Did I miss something?

    It seems like McDonald’s Malaysia have missed a few meetings. Post-“Supersize Me” (the movie that basically took a crap on McDonald’s and then wiped their ass with it.), McDonald’s went “healthier” and have removed their “supersize me” option which allows the customer to upgrade their drinks and fries to a larger size. In other words, they are trying to help you NOT die faster so they can make more money off you. That’s what I call “long term strategic planning.”

    But not in Malaysia. You may still upgrade your fries and carbonated drink for a low 75 sen. That’s one way to go.

    It tickles and baffles me that with our great advances in modern technology, we still haven't figured out a way to effectively, hygienically, and most importantly' quickly dry our hands in public restrooms. Apart from the paper towels which leaves a big mess that looks like a paper factory exploded, we are still left with that conversation-stopping white box on the wall that blows out hot air.

    Even in the most modern restrooms with funky sinks that look like the next generation iPod, we wash our hands under motion-activated taps and then we stand there like fools under an over-grown hairdryer waiting for our hands to dry. Heaven forbid if there’s someone behind you waiting in line. You feel the pressure. You’re trying to act cool while thinking to yourself “Dry faster. Dry faster. Ahhhh….fukkit!” After three seconds on whatever-the-hell-it-is-you-are-trying-to-achieve, you give up and walk away. Your hands are not dry and you have to resort to the original hand-drying method: Wipe hands on pants.

    And even if you have the patience to stand there to completely dry out your hands, why does the blower stop before the hands are dry? Why didn’t those hand dryer guys do their research and time the thing properly?

    Friday, November 04, 2005

    Some people have ruined it for the rest of us. There are some excuses that can't be used anymore even though it is the honest-to-God real reason.

    Now, when a person says...

    "I left my handphone at home. So I had to go home to get it, which is why I am late and also why I could not answer your call when you called 23 times and left messages asking where I was."

    he really means...

    "I am late and I am making up this excuse because I was standing right next to my phone when you called but I did not want to pick it up because I was still at home in my pajamas."

    Then there's the "I-am-in-a-meeting" line which really means "I don't want to talk to you now because I do not have a good excuse to respond to whatever I was suppose to respond to three hours ago."

    Finally, we have the lamest reason for not calling someone.

    "I don't have your number because I got a new phone and your number is on my old phone."

    Which is really another way of saying "You're not important enough for me to keep your name and number in my phone."

    These are tough times.