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    Thursday, December 29, 2005

    Noticed how things are just not moving this year? I believe I have figured out why society and the economy is in such a funk. It's all those TV series that are on DVD box sets!

    Lost. 24. Desperate Housewives. CSI. CSI: NY. CSI: Miami. Friends. Stargate. Buffy. Star Trek.

    Anyone of these and you'd be giving that "once-you-start-you-can't-stop-and-you'd-be-watching-the-entire-season -in-one-sitting-and-you-will-only-stop-when-the-sun-comes-up-and-
    the-birds-start-chirping" line explaining yourself at parties.

    And if its a work day, then you'd watch until five in the morning and stop only when you shock yourself by realising just how many hours of sleep you will get before you have to wake up for work. You know that thing we do....we start counting how many hours of sleep we will have just to console ourselves.

    Just two more seasons of Star Trek Voyager and I can get on with my life.

    Monday, December 26, 2005

    I finally went out and got an oven (which I am quite sure I will use three times a year). Jackie and I decided to make pizza.


    See this here? It is possibly the first real bacon pizza in Malaysia. Screw beef bacon. Bacon, as God intended, should be meat yanked off the bones of a pig, not a cow. Unlike beef bacon, real bacon kills you a lot faster.

    Friday, December 23, 2005

    RM700.

    40GB. 4th-Generation iPod. White earbuds. USB2 sync cable. A box of my love and joy.

    Brand new from Apple as a replacement unit for my previous iPod.
    (Dock in the picture is not included.)

    Email audimok98(at)yahoo.com
    It's that time of the year again where we start conversations with "Gosh...can you believe it's December already? The year is almost over. Where did the year go?"

    Yes it is December already. You should have seen it coming in November. And you saw November coming in October.

    Then comes the other set of questions: "What are you doing for Christmas" followed by "Doing anything for New Year's eve?"

    To which I will get on my soapbox.

    Marina: What are you doing for Christmas?
    Me: Nothing. I am not Christian.
    Marina: Well, you don't have to be Christian to celebrate Christmas.
    Me: Yes you do. Celebrating Christmas is celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. If you do not believe in Jesus, Christmas wouldn't make sense. You'd be just celebrating a regular day.
    Marina: But you don't have to be Christian to enjoy the festivities.
    Me: No you don't, which means you are not really celebrating Christmas. You are celebrating the holidays.
    Marina: Oh whatever. I just love Christmas. I love the mood, the decorations, the songs. And I love setting up the Christmas tree.
    Me: I see. You love the Hollywood Christmas. I am pretty sure you are trying to make it snow in your living room too, aren't you? What's your religion?
    Marina: I'm Buddhist.

    Fvcking idiot.
    I've noticed the increasing number of traffic lights in the Klang Valley that have blinking green lights just before it goes to yellow. Say it's green. After a while, it starts blinking for about five seconds or so, then it goes to yellow for another few seconds, then red.

    Yellow and red, I understand. Yellow means slow down and prepare to stop. Red means stop. But what's with the blinking green? Slow down and prepare to slow down and prepare to stop? Or is it some secret code to tell us there is a cop with questionable ethics on the other side of the lights preparing to accept a bribe if you run a red light? Or is it yet another thing to make life complicated?

    I must have missed a meeting.

    Sunday, December 18, 2005

    So I am going about my business and I meet this guy who is a private security guard. More like a bodyguard. Big burly man who wears tight little black T-shirts with the word SECURITY on the back.

    Sadly, he has no thumbs. NO THUMBS. The man has eight fingers and NO THUMBS. When his homies want to high-five him, he could have to use both hands in order to get it up to five. He will not be able to give a thumbs-up to a good movie.

    The lost his thumbs when he got into this fight. Someone swung this rod at him. He grabbed the rod with both his hands. The only thing was, the rod was a really sharp sword. As he held on, his thumb fell off.

    And that's how he ended up with eight fingers and no thumbs. Now that's a tragedy.

    Sunday, December 04, 2005

    Today I came closer to my fellow countrymen with I bribed a cop for the second this year. This time it was for being on the phone without a hand-free kit while driving. This one was less pleasant but he was straight to the point. He give me a verbal rate card of traffic offences and it's corresponding charges should I not want to have a ticket.
    • Using the phone without a hands-free kit while driving: RM30
    • Illegal U-turn, passing a double line: RM50
    • Speeding within city limits: RM50-RM100
    • Expired driver's license or expired road tax: RM100 or 80% of the cash in your wallet, whichever greater.
    All prices are negotiable. You might be able to get more slack if you are female with large breasts, do not look "too Chinese" or "too Indian", and if you are of the same race as the dirty cop. It also helps if the cop had sex the night before.

    Friday, December 02, 2005

    I am putting forward my opinion on one aspect of the Malaysian recording scene. This is specifically on the process of mastering, which is the final stage of treatment done to a piece of music before it goes to the CD duplicating plant.

    If someone tells me the mastering of Nick Lee sounds "compressed", all I can say after I bitch-slap you is for you to get with the program. It's not compression. It's the music slamming into the wall. That's how it's done around the world today. Music today is hot; and not in a musical sense.

    Do you know why when a locally-produced track comes on radio, YOU KNOW it's local even before the words come out? Because it sounds wimpy, especially when you listen to an internationally-produced track and then you listen to a locally-produced track.

    So, when you listen to Nikki's Maharani, don't be surprised! If it's too loud for you, turn down the volume or listen to Norah Jones. Play a track from Maharani and then play a new Mariah Carey or Britney Spears track. Are the sonic differences so far off that it is sonically offensive? This album is made in Malaysia and hopefully, very soon, albums here will be judged by this standard. Then I can buy that water purifier that looks like a rocket that I've always wanted.

    I am imposing my tastes and preferences here. If you don't like, all I can say to you is to get over it and get used to it. And oh yes, why not leave the 70s behind and come into 2005! We also have the Internet, fake boobs, and other cool things here.
    I feel the need to vent blog today.

    The inevitable finally happened. My 02 Mini PDA phone piece-o-crap finally crapped out and it automatically hard-reset itself. To put it in non-technical terms, the thing totally pissed on me. I lost everything especially priceless SMSes. Microsoft must die. There must be a better way. (And don't say PalmOS!)