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    Thursday, January 26, 2006

    You know I love you as a friend but there are phrases you should never ever use in a conversation with me. Let's start with this one:

    "God works in mysterious ways."

    Yes. Be original. Please. Try something new like...

    "Did an angel try to touch you? Was she hot?" or

    "Who are you and what did you do with Batdude?" or

    "You got punk'd."

    For the love of God...anything but "God works in mysterious ways."

    I haven't bitch-slapped anyone in a long time. Don't make me start.

    Saturday, January 21, 2006

    It's an occupation hazard that I am rarely impressed by pop/R&B music these days.

    Then there's Raul Midon. State of Mind. Available now.

    If you appreciate the concept of a melody and talent, you will like Raul Midon. There's good Stevie Wonder-esque R&B and pop melodies with an acoustic vibe but it is not this arty folk album. This guy sings and plays the guitar. He is so good it will scare you. The music will make your life better and fill it with joy. It is that good.

    Friday, January 20, 2006

    Windows! Ugh!

    (Don't tell me to get a Mac!)

    Wednesday, January 18, 2006

    My new dual core AMD Athlon 4400 with 2MB L2 cache to go with 2GB of high performance RAM. That big mother that looks like a car engine you see next to the chip is actually the heatsink and fan for the processor.

    I hope all this will improve my personality and song writing skills.

    You can't tell from this picture but I have a major erection now.

    Tuesday, January 17, 2006

    I am not trying to tell Samsung, Sony, and Creative how to run their business. However, as a fan and user of MP3 players over the years, I would like to say something about them naming their MP3 players.

    We are all waiting for that iPod killer. There is a reason why the iPod has been untouchable. First, it looks damn cool. It almost hurts because it is so easy to use. Then there's iTunes; putting it in another way, it's not Windows Media Player. Finally, it's called iPod.

    Yes. Plain and simple iPod. Four letters. Lower case "i", followed by a capital "p", lower case "o" and a lower case "d".

    It's not even called iPod MP3 player. Or iPod Media Player. Or iPod, now with Easy-To-Scratch Finishing. Just vanilla iPod.

    Apple calls it iPod. They have three models at any one time. iPod. iPod Nano. iPod Shuffle.

    Let's look at what Samsung has for MP3 players.

    According to the Samsung website, Samsung has some 19 models: YP-T6V, YP-T6X, YH-820, YP-W3LX, YH-J50, YP-F1Z, YP-C1X, YP-C1V, YP-C1Z, YP-F1X, YP-F1V, YP-T7V, YP-T7X, YP-T7Z, YP-U1Z, YP-U1X, YP-T8ZB, YP-T8QW, and last but not least, there's the YH-J70SB.

    In case you think I am making this up, go here.

    I don't know about you. But "YH-J70SB" just doesn't roll off the tongue like "iPod" does.

    Me: Hey! Is that an iPod you have there?
    Muthu: No. It's the Samsung YH-J70SB. How cool is that?

    Perhaps Samsung enjoys the marketing challenge in branding.

    Then we have the mother of all screw-ups and the former love of my life, Sony. The iPod should have easily been a Sony product. But they'd probably call it the Digital Walkman and they'd make us buy memory sticks.

    I was almost right. Today, it's called the Network Walkman. What the heck is a NETWORK WALKMAN? Entertainment for your network? Music for networks on the move? Anyway, Sony has about seven models of these things in a variety of colours: The new NW-A608 A-series, NW-E103, NW-E105, NW-E305 Walkman Bean MP3 Player, NW-E307 Walkman Bean MP3 Player, NW-E503/5/7 part of the E500 series and comes in Licorice Black, Tropical Ice Blue, Cotton Candy Pink, Coconut White, and finally we have the NW-HD3 and NW-HD5 Hard Disk MP3 Network Walkman.

    Me: Hey! Is that an iPod you have there?
    Greg: No. It's the Sony NW-A608. And it comes in Licorice Black, Tropical Ice Blue, Cotton Candy Pink and Coconut White. How cool is that?
    Me: Waaah. So cool. My iPod only comes in black or white. But I think they mean to say "Knight Rider Black" or "Clouds of Heaven White".

    Then there's the almost-there-but-not-quite, Creative. They got it right with the name by calling it Zen. However, it messed it up by making it look like the iPod; from the colour of the interface to where the battery indicator is...right down to the colour. It just yells "knock-off" and ends up looking like the poor man's iPod. But it costs about the same as the iPod. So, why would you want to buy a Zen when you can get the iPod?

    Me: Hey! Is that an iPod you have there?
    Ahmed: No. It's a Creative Zen.
    Me: It looks like an iPod. I thought it was an iPod.
    Ahmed: Yes. It does look like an iPod but it is not. I wanted to be different but yet the same. It's called Zen.
    Me: OK zen. I zhall zee you laterz.

    So, the moral of the story here is to not name the MP3 player as if it is a spare part for an airplane or a turbine engine. Move past the number and letter combo. If IKEA can do it, so can you.

    Secondly, do not make it look like an iPod. If I want the iPod, I will just buy the iPod since it is about the same price. Unless if yours looks as cool as the iPod, as easy to use, and it costs 50% less than the iPod, don't bother with the white or black iPod look.

    Finally, it is not the iPod alone that makes it work. It is also iTunes and their nice little touches like the cool white earphone and USB cable, and the word "Enjoy" on the inside box. Having said that, Apple should also make their iPods a little more scratch-resistant. I am tired of handling mine like it is a newly circumcised penis.

    Monday, January 16, 2006

    You probably won't know who these people are . All I can say is that they are the two nicest people you'd ever want to meet (besides Jesus and Tom Hanks.) Colin and Lisa got married over the weekend. And I want to share the moment with you.

    I am not a fan of wedding dinners but this one is an exception. No "Final Countdown" or the theme from "Rocky" or any Kitaro track came on along with the first dish. No standard-issue menu. No Hokkien karaoke. And best of all, no drunk uncle at the back trying to pick a fight. I was just chillin' and enjoying the love fest.

    The lovely couple and that's Colin on the left.

    Man struggling with chicken.

    Paul Morrison touching me inappropriately. We made fun of some singer we used worked with. Good times.
    A box of chocolates for us. Mine's in the fridge and I am saving it for someone who loves chocolates. (There was also a CD with questionable unlicensed music.)
    Reshmonu touching me inappropriately.
    Man struggles with fish. These are not your typical standard-issue wedding dishes. I am sure the waiters had to go through special training for this evening.
    Ling and I. That's the new look I am going for. (Too much Calvin & Hobbes!)
    The original members of the Pussycat Dolls.
    Paul Morrison. Me. Jit. Moo. Despite our looks, we are really good in what we do.
    Big freaky hairy metal ball hanging from the ceiling at the Westin ballroom.
    Winner of the "I Am Sure It Would Hurt Like Hell If It Fell On You" award.

    Saturday, January 14, 2006

    Would it kill them to stay open for an additional 4 hours?

    I have no excuse for the one below.

    Monday, January 09, 2006

    Could someone get me in touch with Francis Yeoh? Yes. That Francis Yeoh. CEO of YTL.

    Friday, January 06, 2006

    Despite what the preparation instruction tells you, do not microwave oat. This is what happens. One might even call it an expl-OAT-ion. (Geddit? Geddit?)

    Not only does oat taste nothing like a Big Mac™, it explodes too; which immediately puts it in the "hostile" category for me. I had no idea it would be so risky preparing geriatric meals.

    One good thing though. Kudos to the microwave oven people at Panasonic who designed the glass tray deep enough to hold one Grande Starbucks mug-worth of gunk in the event that people's oat explodes. But only the tray got messy. Not the walls. Weird. God works in mysterious ways.

    Relax. No animals were hurt.

    I have recently begun to appreciate that even the most fucked up people on the planet serves a purpose. They are there to remind us that we shouldn’t be as fucked up. In turn, we should appreciate and show these fuckers love and understanding with hopes that they will be less fucked up. Then it will help make the world a better place. Of course, there will always be another group of even more fucked up people waiting in line to replace those less-fucked up people you just helped, and they are just waiting to fuck you over.

    We just have to remind ourselves, it will be OK. God put them there for a reason. It’s not to fuck up our day but to make us better people who can better deal with all these motherfuckers.

    And thus my quota of cussing and swearing has been fulfilled for this year.

    Wednesday, January 04, 2006

    Let me just get it out of the way; as belated as it may be.

    Happy New Year.

    Or in my case, just New Year since there was nothing Happy about mine.