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    Monday, May 19, 2008

    Way...
    ..too many......old......white people!

    Thursday, May 15, 2008

    Today I pay for my parking at Amcorp Mall in PJ and I see this mission statement for the parking operator stuck onto the window of the cashier's booth. Don't remember what the front half was but it ends with "to dazzle the customer."

    So before I hand my cash over to the lady...

    Me: Since you are supposed to dazzle me, how about you give me free parking?"
    Cashier: Aaah. Cannot la.
    Me: But you are supposed to dazzle me. It says that right there.
    Cashier: Aaah. That one ah? Just say only. Hehe. Pay three ringgit.

    Back in the day when I was working at this IT company, the Managing Director got me write a mission statement for the company. Why? Because I was about the only guy in the company who could string a whole sentence in English. And so I did. I don't remember what I wrote but it was probably something that had words like "delight", "customer satisfaction", "excellent", "value" or "global."

    But the real and unspoken mission of the company (and by "company," I mean the chinaman boss) is to screw the employees and make a lot of money for the himself first, THEN for the company. The whole mission/vision statement thing is really for show so they can look "international."

    Just to see how pointless and vague mission statements are, could you please submit your company's mission statement in the comment section of this post. The one that irks/tickles/annoys/amuses me the most, will have the manager of the company get a phone call from me for my highly constructive feedback.

    Tuesday, May 13, 2008

    Last night (more like early this morning), I visited the location for Faizal Tahir's music video shoot for "Sampai Syurga." It was at the swanky Shah Alam Aquatic Centre (complete with pool moss and all.)

    From what I can tell, the music video is going to be great! I was very impressed with the whole underwater thing. But the highlight of the whole evening for me was when Faizal almost drowned. Unfortunately, I arrived just after he was rescued and did not get to witness the whole thing.

    Faizal: Dude. I almost drowned. My life flashed before my eyes. My biggest fear is to suffocate to death.
    Me: Dude. It's going to be OK. You won't die today. You haven't offended the mufti of the other 12 states yet.

    Faizal was rather shaken by the whole event. He needed a lot of moments but the turning point was when I offered him the skin off of my Ayam Goreng McD. That always seem to work. And Izham wasn't too comfortable when I said, "Wouldn't it be ironic if he drowned during the video shoot to the song titled "Sampai Syurga"?"

    "I almost drowned. But I can see your house from here."


    Faizal: Dude. I almost drowned. My life flashed before my eyes. My biggest fear is to suffocate to death.
    Me: Dude. It's going to be OK. You won't die today. I don't see any Siti fans around the set.

    "Hey! Look at me. My hair is like, all floaty and stuff. I can be the Pantene man!"


    This girl with very huge lung capacity is in the video. (I mean, she can really hold her breath!)

    Anyway, I thought the crew were very good. It's always very flattering to the point it's weird when I see people work around something I did in my small room on my computer. And I am very grateful to have Izham and the label, Monkey Bone give support to Faizal and the music.

    Faizal: Dude. I almost drowned. My life flashed before my eyes. My biggest fear is to suffocate to death.
    Me: Dude. It's going to be OK. You won't die today. I am sure Izham will make sure of that seeing that you have a three-album deal with him.
    Izham: That's not true. It's a seven-album deal.

    The video comes out mid-June.

    Friday, May 09, 2008

    This is going to come off sounding so politically incorrect and me stereotyping and generalising. So I hope this comment does not offend too much but I really need to get this message across.

    To Arab men who visit and live in Malaysia:

    STOP HITTING ON OUR WOMEN.
    YOU'RE NOT AS GOODLOOKING AS YOU THINK.

    (That's our job as Malaysian men to hit on them. So don't you do it!)

    To those who are offended by this public service message, call your mother.
    I am sure I am not the only one.

    As a child, like most children, I played and laughed a lot. When I'd laugh a lot at night, and make a lot of laughing noises, my mother would tell me to stop laughing and be quiet. Otherwise, I'd get nightmares when I sleep. I don't remember but I guess I'd try to stop. I am not a fan of nightmares.

    Now I wonder if that's true or is it just something grown-ups say to shut their kids up. As an adult, I can laugh all night long and I don't think I'd get nightmares. Perhaps the rule only applies to children.

    So if you are a child reading this, laugh all you want, little person. Laugh as loud as you want at any time. Your mom is only messing with you.

    And as for the other thing, no! It's completely natural and your palms will not get hairy.

    Monday, May 05, 2008